A Letter of Mixed Emotion...

Just hear me out.

First things first, nabasa ko ung friendster profile mo and i know, ako ung tinutukoy mong taong na-meet mo na sobrang bitter magsalita pero cnsabing hindi nmn. and then you literally laugh p nga. to set the record straight, i've never even known what bitterness are you talking about. Naiicp mo b na bitter ako dahil sa nakipag-break ka sa kin? Anong bitter ba ung cnsabi mo? Frankly, wla akong naramdaman. But i admit, i feel very, very irritated with you. Alam mo kung bakit?

Kasi sa tingin ko, pakiramdam mo, palagi kang tama. You really don't care if you hurt other people, do u? And i feel angry thinking na all those times, hinayaan ko na ganun ung gawin mo. Kaya ka cguro tumatawa ngaun, dahil naiicp mo na naisahan mo ako. Na nagawa mo lahat ng gusto mo dahil wala akong nireklamo. Kung meron man, hindi nmn kita pnpglan.

Siguro, you are wondering kung bakit bgla kong na-brought up ito. I feel so sick thinking na baka naiicp nang mga tao na totoo nga un. dahil cgurado ako, hindi nmn. How do u know kung bitter ako o hinde? I know myself more than you do. And don't tell me na nakikita mo na ganun. Kaw na din ang nagsabi, don't assume. Don't think na kilala mo na tlga ako after all those years. You're always acting superior, when in fact, i know more about rel'ships than you do. I've suffered enough heartaches to know kung ano ba ang dapat na gngawa sa isang relationship. And now, you've added it up. Mostly, naiinis ako dahil totoo, ngaun mas nahihirapan akong mag-adjust dahil na-instill mo sa kin na palaging mali ang gngwa ko when in fact, hindi nmn tlga.

But you know, even with the pain you have caused me, sasbhin ko pa rin na slamat. It's hard tlga na isipin na iba na ung kasama ko ngaun. Ang tagal ba nmn ng 4 na taon. And totoo, i can't help comparing the two of you. Sorry about that. Pero palagi pag kasama ko cya, and he have found another way to make me feel so important and special, naiicp ko na buti na lang at nangyari ung mga nangyari. Because now, i can really appreciate someone who is making me very happy and contented with what i am now. And always, naiicp ko na i've learned a lot with what happened in the past.

Sa totoo lang, natakot nmn ako na magmahal ulit. Dahil i've realized (na alam ko dapat matagal na), na i'm that kind of person na pag nagmahal, e binibgay ang lahat. even my own happiness. Nakakatakot na pag nagmahal ako ulit, ganun ulit ang mangyari and then they will use it for their own convenience. i feel exploited, sa totoo lang. Dahil as far as i know, d ko masyado naramdaman na na-appreciate mo lahat ng gnwa ko para sayo. Pero don't get me wrong, d nmn ako nagbibilang and hindi kta sinusumbatan.

Buti n lang, i took the risk, dahil ngaun ko mas nakita na may taong tlagang na-a-appreciate ako with who i am now. There is someone who doesn't expect a lot. Who always say that he won't dictate what i have to act and what i have to do because he knows that even before we've met, ganun na tlga ako. I don't feel any pressure at all -- na may kailangan akong gawin para lang matuwa cya kahit na sa loob2 ko, hindi nmn tama ung gngwa ko at hindi ganun ang paniniwala ko. And now, i can say na sobrang happy ako dahil ung mga actions ko, i do it without reluctance. And i can say na ganun dahil alam ko na whatever i do, it would get very much appreciated. And hinding-hindi ako manghihinayang kahit kailan na gngwa ko ang lahat para sa knya...

Hanggang ngaun ba naiicp mo pa rin na bitter ako? well, i'll leave it to that. Bahala ka kung un ang gusto mong isipin. Pero alam mo, right now, i feel very saddened. Because of what happened. Mostly because, ngaun, i think very less of you na. Nakilala kita as someone na simple and ok, pero right now, hindi ko na makita na ganun ka. I can't believe how time flies by. Cguro nga tumatanda na tlga tayo and you think that what you are right now suits you best. Ok un, pero sana, naiisip mo din na hindi nmn lahat pumapabor sa gngwa mo. I really don't know kung tama nga ba na wag isipin ang iba. Isipin lang kung ano ung iniisip mong tama. Kasi d b un nmn ang paniniwala mo? I remember hearing you say it before. Pero naicp ko, kaya nga NO MAN IS AN ISLAND db? you can't live by yourself alone so you really have to be mindful of others as well as what they probably are doing to you.

Sorry if i posted this here. I feel it is right to let other people know what's happening. And to let them know what's my say about all of these. If you feel you owe an explanation, feel free na mag-send din ng mail.

I want to stop feeling as if i want to kill you (frankly). haha. may times tlga na ganun aaminin ko. Nung nabasa ko pa nga ung mga cnend mong mga survey2, medyo naramdaman ko un. kasi naicp ko, there are things na hindi nmn kaw. i mean, i know i don't know you din as well as i thought pero what you are saying there and the actions you're doing tell you otherwise.

I sincerely hope na we could be friends (kahit na tinanggal mo ako sa friendster). I don't want to feel any grudge about what happened. So there.